The Cat House is Back! The Cat House is Back!

Litter box visits: 5
Escape Attempts. 0.5 (ran in the garage and sat on the car)

Sorry I've been away for so long, my summer vacation has made me extra lazy.

Snoozing in the Cat House

I have some good news! After 2 years in hiatus, the cat house is back! You ask what a cat house is? It's the best thing since fresh tuna with a side of milk. It's our (us cats) jungle gym/nap spot. It's made from wood and 1"x2" wire, it's high enough for the human to walk in, it has a roof, it has lots of perches and walkways, and the dogs are NOT allowed. Uncle Ray made it for us at the last house, then it sat in pieces here at the new house until the human FINALLY got him to rebuild it. We still have our litter boxes out in the atrium and we only are allowed out when the human is home, but that's okay, the Cat House is BACK.

Faith modeling new fake grass in Cat House

We have a few new additions to this cat house: We have our own kitty grass to eat. We have our own catnip plant to roll on, not that I care; I'm not into that, but the girls are. And we have green vines growing up the walls, something called cucumbers and squash, I tasted them, they are not as good as broccoli.

Life is good.

The Lido Deck

Litter box visits: 10
Escape Attempts:0

I love summer. Not only are the windows open and birds singing (making it easier to hunt and kill) it is also a high-shed period, so I can get in lots of extra grooming. In addition to these perks, my human lets us cats out in the backyard with the dogs. The backyard has many fun obstacles including a carpet covered mountain. It's some kind of human device the human use to cook things on, and there is a carpet on top. It makes the perfect cat tree. I like to climb on top of it and pretend I'm a lion. I roll are and growl and yawn. It's quite satisfying. The other great part of summer is the LIDO DECK.

The Lido Deck is in the outdoor atrium. It's where the human keeps our litter boxes, so that's already one of my favorite spots in the house. The Lido Deck is the top part of the cat tree in the atrium. It's dry and warm on the Lido Deck. If I close my eyes and listen carefully I can hear the horn of the cruise ship.

I don't care if it's September, still feels like summer to me.

New Friends at the Vets Office

Litter Box Visits: 8 or 9
Escape Attempts:0, but I went outside and got some sun time.

Car rides aren't what they use to be. In my youth I remember rocking out to Ace of Base and going up to wine country trips to see my Auntie Ann or cruising to Petco to visit the adoption kitties. That was especially fun when my human let me climb on the cat trees. I really wish she had brought them home...alas I am off on another tangent!

Yesterday we went for another ride to the vet's office. I have been having some issues jumping and my hips are sore. I'm not sure how it happened. Could have happened when playing with the dogs or giving a smack down to Faith or maybe I landed funny; either way its been hurting enough I was having problems propelling myself upward. My human noticed and decided to bring me to the vets to find out what was wrong. The car ride wasn't that much fun. No Ace of Base.

Before we even got into the examination room we got to meet all kinds of new friends in the waiting area. There was Chance, the big orange tabby who was chilling in his carrier. His human was very nice and I marked her hand and foot repeatedly. She gave good pats. Then there was a tiny kitten (never got her name) and her two humans, they were also very nice and I sat on one of them for a while. Then three humans came in with another small orange cat named Lily. She wasn't too happy with me when I looked in her carrier; so so I focused on her humans. One was small, but a female human, so more tolerable than most small-sized humans. I got lots of petting and they talked to me for a long time. I saw a LOT of dogs too, but my human wouldn't let me visit them. They seemed to be in some kind of isolation ward, away from the cats.

Dr. Johnson is my vet, she is very nice, I didn't even bite her when she bent my head around and pulled on my legs. I purred a lot when she put this cold, round thing on my side, but then she blew in my face; I stopped purring for a moment wondering why she'd do that, but then she took the round thing away and I resumed purring. It was fun. After that, she took me into another room and poked me a couple of times with needles, THAT wasn't fun, but I was focusing on all the other animals and new friends I could meet. It was over quickly and my human had me back on my leash. Dogs aren't the only ones who can wear leashes you know!

The human bought some treats for me, and they are only for ME. And then we drove home. I didn't like the return trip either. The car makes my stomach hurt. So I sat in the back and complained the whole way home. When we got there, she gave me the yummy treats. I get two a day. The vets isn't so bad, I don't know what the dog's drama is all about. She went on and on after her last visit that there were vampire humans trying to drain her blood, but they weren't biting her, they were using long silvery tubes. I can only guess she meant needles. HELLO? Dogs are so uneducated.

Broccoli, Who Knew?

Litter box visits: 4 (it's raining again!)
Escape attempts: 0, why bother

So the human is on some kind of weird food regime. No cereal, no milk, no eggs. She's not even eating fish anymore. It's bad enough she doesn't eat any meat, this time she has gone too far. She puts fruit, some powder, ice cubes in a big glass and the glass makes a terrible noise, if this goes on much longer we may need to hook the dog up to a Xanax drip. I'm not sure why the human is eating this way, but she seems pretty pissed off since she started.

So the other night the human finished another pound of roasted broccoli, but there were a few leftovers still on the plate. So I reached up and pulled one off the plate. SHE wasn't eating it! I didn't know what the small green logs were, but I figured, no chance of fish anytime soon, so what the hell. Well the human seemed to think I wouldn't like it so she took her sweet old time retrieving it. She was too slow, I chewed it up and swallowed. YUM-ME. Green logs, tastes good! Who knew? The human thought this was amusing, so she cut the pieces up (she's a good egg) and fed me the rest. I ate 'em all! They're pretty good. I stood on the chair smelling her and sniffing the air indicating I'd like MORE, but she didn't get it. I have well-trained but she's not too bright sometimes.

I really do wish she'd start eating fish again, or at least drinking milk. Hello? Cheese crumbles on the floor wouldn't suck either.

Why I Love My Human

Litter Box Visits: 4
Escape Attempts: 1, but it was consensual

Every cat loves their human, it's a given; but most of us like to hide this fact. Why suck up and act like they are the second coming when there is a dog or two around to do it for us? But I do love my human, for many reasons. Foremost she saved me from certain death at the animal shelter (one of my brothers didn't make it) and she feeds me. But lately she's on some kind of Litter Box cleaning spree. I barely have time to cover and she's scooped. It's most delightful. I'm like that guy on Alley McBeal, who liked to pre-flush, he always "wanted a clean bowl." The other reason I love my human is she let me escape and explore the back yard. It was sunny and small yard smelled like bird and dog poop, but I loved it. The dogs were out there too, but didn't try to mess with us too much. I did several perimeter searches and was unable to locate any exits. It was a good day. I guess I should stop biting the human's nose when she picks me up...nahhh.




Here I am outside at our last house, it had a really nice back yard, our new house, not so much.

Faceless Faith

Litter Box Visits: 5

Escape Attempts: 0

 The Dog and her security blanket: Faceless Faith

Young children often find security by maintaining a death grip on a bubbie (blankie). Some kids like to rub their own hair and even the fur of the family pet. But what many people do not know is that insecure dogs also have security "blankets" to ward off the scary monsters that may attack at any time. Sorta' like a protective amulet. The Dog has her own bubbie, it's called Faceless Faith. Not to be confused with Faith the cat, she has her face but her brains are questionable.

Once upon a time, Faceless Faith was an intact, stuffed animal living comfortably on the Human's bed; minding her own business. She is a stuffed "cat" though it pains me to place those two words in one sentence. She resembles the live Faith, they are both are tuxedos--black with white paws and a white chest.

One day a white puppy (the Dog) came along and decided FF (Faceless Faith) looked mighty tasty, so she promptly claimed FF as yet another dog toy--or so we thought!

 

Faceless Faith (FF) 

The Human thought she looked so cute carrying FF around in her mouth like a baby animal, it was cute until she chewed Faceless Faith's face off and removed all the stuffing from her head! Personally, I find this disemboweling trait of dogs unsettling. I was quite sure Faceless Faith would soon be completely "gutless".. The Dog did not continue to remove all of FF's innards; instead she carried her around in her mouth like she was a Lab retrieving a freshly-shot duck from the marsh.

At first it was quite distressing to see a limp cat-like shape hanging from her mouth; even more upsetting when she'd shake it as if to break FF's neck. But the weirdest thing the dog does with FF, is lick her as if she is cleaning her baby puppy. She removed FF's entire brain then proceeds to lick her as if she's one of her offspring? WTF? Freud and Jung would have a field day evaluating the Dog's mental health. But as usual, I digress! The Dog also has bouts of possessive aggression protecting FF. If FF is in a 5-foot radius of the Dog and one of us cats casually strolls by, she turns into Cujo, defending her "food". Seriously? Like we care about that spit-ridden, brainless thing? I don't even respond when she goes all SF Zoo Tiger on my ass any more. She also insists on taking FF to bed with her at night....awww (gag). She takes it with her when the vacuum comes out (wimp), she takes it with her if she's going to hang out in the office...I'm surprised she doesn't take it for rides in the car! Dogs! If I live 'til 22, I won't understand them!

 

The "Live" Faith (and me) Chilaxin'

Dog Training- My Work is Never Done

Litter Box Visits: 5
Escape Attempts: 1

There is no resting on the laurels for this striped cat. Nope. Just when I managed to train my dog to perfection (submission) now we have a new one in the house. Not another temporary. This one is permanent. It comes with its own human too. This one is an older puppy. The worse kind!


Young puppies are easy and training is relatively quick. They hit the ground and begin bouncing around the house. They eat cat food and puke, they eat socks and puke, they eat treasures from the litter box, kiss the human and THEN puke. But in this state of sniffing oblivion, the puppy is like pure buttah in a cat's paws. All you need to do is sit patiently on the floor watching. When the puppy pinballs himself over to you, quickly give him 3 quick slaps to the face before he even touches you. Use of claws is optional. This shocks the crap out of them, not to worry they're leaving messes in the house at this point, the human won't blame you. Of course the puppy's short-term memory is like 2.5 seconds so another method I employ is the Puffy Cat. Walk casually by the puppy, going about your business. You can even mock play, just to test your boundaries. When the puppy tries to play with you, puff yourself up to 3x your size by making every inch of fur stand on end and spit. And don't forget to give them the death stare. You can follow up with a low growl. Alternate between these two methods and within a few days the puppy is 100% trained. Again, this only works on young puppies 3-5 months old.

Now back to the new dog. This new puppy is not quite a year. Has some confidence and a lot of energy.  My dog is having some jealousy issues and handing out smack downs like raindrops in a thunderstorm. She is NOT happy. But I am always up for a challenge. I have to use the combination of a heavy paw/claw and mind control. I approach the puppy and flop in front of her like I want to play. This is not the usual behavior expected of a cat. The puppy proceeds to try to play. This is when I flip around grab her head in my paws and bite, not TOO hard. When she stops moving I begin cleaning her head in a calming fashion. It's almost like good cat-bad cat all in one an instantaneous maneuver. Unfortunately with older puppies the training period is longer. It's been almost 2 weeks and I don't think she's quite grasped the chain of command in this house. The hierarchy is: Cat > Dog > Human. Duh. I hope the human doesn't trim my claws any time soon.