Escape attempts: 0, why bother
So the human is on some kind of weird food regime. No cereal, no milk, no eggs. She's not even eating fish anymore. It's bad enough she doesn't eat any meat, this time she has gone too far. She puts fruit, some powder, ice cubes in a big glass and the glass makes a terrible noise, if this goes on much longer we may need to hook the dog up to a Xanax drip. I'm not sure why the human is eating this way, but she seems pretty pissed off since she started.
So the other night the human finished another pound of roasted broccoli, but there were a few leftovers still on the plate. So I reached up and pulled one off the plate. SHE wasn't eating it! I didn't know what the small green logs were, but I figured, no chance of fish anytime soon, so what the hell. Well the human seemed to think I wouldn't like it so she took her sweet old time retrieving it. She was too slow, I chewed it up and swallowed. YUM-ME. Green logs, tastes good! Who knew? The human thought this was amusing, so she cut the pieces up (she's a good egg) and fed me the rest. I ate 'em all! They're pretty good. I stood on the chair smelling her and sniffing the air indicating I'd like MORE, but she didn't get it. I have well-trained but she's not too bright sometimes.
I really do wish she'd start eating fish again, or at least drinking milk. Hello? Cheese crumbles on the floor wouldn't suck either.
